One-night stands are sometimes super hot and there’s nothing like finally sealing the deal with someone we’ve been dating, but sex with anyone new can be pretty stressful. Whether we’ve had one partner or 100, each person is unique, and so is their pleasure points and turn-ons. “We all love sex, but it’s not always easy to please a new girl — what does she like? How does she want to be touched? — but does it have to so complicated?” says executive dating and relationship coach Todd Valentine. One thing that men do wrong when they approach sex with women is that they think like men. “The problem is, sex is profoundly different for women; for them, it’s far more experiential and emotional, whether it be boyfriend sex or casual sex,” says Valentine.
“If you get a woman into your bed and she’s like the Sahara down there, you haven’t done your job. Three words: foreplay, foreplay, foreplay,” says Valentine. Without it, you can have mastered all the technical elements of sex and it still won’t matter. Foreplay can be anything from delving into sexual topics and bantering playfully to actual physical foreplay, like kissing her neck or giving her a massage. “As a guy, you might be able to get it up in a few seconds; but women needed to be warmed up one degree at a time,” says Valentine.